♥ ... memory off my mind ... ♥

today is the last day i see him ( my ex ) in kasturi
so
i guess i wil never see him again.~
not GUESS.!
i will never

i am trying to force myself to

forget him
not to love him
stop contact him

and i wil.!

please go away from my life.~ u seriously mess up my life
endless trouble
sumtime really think that
but

sigh.~

and wanna say sorry to my best friend.. evelyn
i really hate u.!
why.? cause my jealousy to deep.~
my heart break anytime when i saw he talk with u
i know... i am really JEALOUS
cause he dont even really use to talk to me as a normal friend
to me i feel that.~

after u come to tuition
he start to talk and smile even laugh
but he dint when i was around anymore.!!

today last day i see him
i DINT cry and i dint have last look to him
cuase u have make me stronger.~ VERY strong
he break my heart deep enough
a last word " bye " to him is all for everything
i m not going to turn back and love u anymore.!
i repeat myself with crossing my heart to say
" i WILL NOT love u anymore.! "

this is the worst thing happen today..
seriously

bye.~
ming sung
evelyn
jerr
and all those people who bring me memory of him.!

SORRY friends.. i need leave u all may be for a very long time
cause i need time to delete all memory of him.~
i hope u all understand

i m seriously heartless now.~
so
STOP asking me for couple and what so ever.!
i hate what so ever so call LOVE

is you the one who make me more devil
more strong
and my wall more high.~
no one can beyond it

NO ONE.~

♥ ... lifeless ... ♥

yesterday post.~ just upload

sigh..
i tot i not going to write this blog till after my spm
just because my dad took my computer
my LAPTOP.!

wtf

i was lik.~
never mind lah just let him take

i am just dam sick now
the medicine i ate just make me feel wanna puke

i guess other then facebook and the this blog " chocolate memory " i think i have nothing to do with my computer anymore. song.? music.. just some of the time but he ( my dad ) is reallu freaking ANNOYING =.=' and stress up when he keep start asking my trial result. sigh.~ i don't tell mean keep his mouth shut la and don't ask again.. dam.!! i know and i know i mess up with my trial exam paper. while.. i just tell him that the pro A1 paper which is mathematic and english.

other was like suck.! dam suck.~ means fail la =.=' i know but is not my fault right.? is all those stupid teacher la.. dun mark the gerak gempur and dont want to record the best result among 2.~ what the hell wei.~ dam piss off now. i just tahan not to answer his any single question. if not it just will end up argue ing dy. 100 persen.!!

somemore i feel my life is like gonna to end. thank god that what u gave me now.~ sick.. stress. medicine. spm.. parents nsg and i realli hate you ( god ).. don't tell me this call growth.. somtimes i really dont believe in god. what bullship and crap.. nonsen =.=' example i pray so hard but there is no sign of him.. he sesat or i.?

today is like wth.. =.=' talk about my handphone since tuesday morning my handphone charger explode.! cause made in china so i can't use my handphone. last time i can't use cause i no credit but this time is the charger problem. i just used the charger for few day after i bought. not even a week life spend then it EXPLODE.!! wtf.~ but this is stil not a big deal cause i don't need to cantact what so call " boyfriend " anymore.! hey.. single la wei.~ btw just know that my friend have a new boyfriend. it brings me back to sad memory

today tution. i was lik almost cry in class cause first my friend keep mention about my ex and 2nd was more terrible.~ i guess i was not late yet when i enter the tuition today. first i sure wil look for him ( my ex ) finally found him but beside him was no place.! so end up i sit with my friend add up my friend keep asking and say bout him. i really feel crying.~ may be i use to sit with him or i too clingy on him.? is this the end of me and him.? cause he saw me din't even say hi or even my msg he dint reply.. last time even after break. if i late to class. he stil wil sms me and ask me " r u coming.? " or he wil leave a place for me. now is totally different =.='

at first i was really upset and feel crying but after moment. i think may be he choose to be that so is better for him.? since he choose to leave my life. i should be happy right.? after all. me and my friend sitting together seem lik happy but actually i don't show out my emotion of sadness even he know i sad. he wont care also right.? so what the point.. i just giving up and keep telling myself " dont stare or look at him.. he just nothing to me anymore.~ " may be this is so call end of everything.. become stranger.? a deep cut in my heart again. sigh.~

after the sejarah class. i just don't know why i hate bm so much and later on. he change to sit 2 row behind me.~ i think he cold.. excuse me. i m not first time knowing him.! cause i m cold oso. so i walk out the cold freezing class room to get some warm and wash my hand. when enter the class back to my place. i pass by him.~ so i quickly pass him a sweet that i bought during tuition break time. =) i dint look back at him but i guess he got my sweet. say wanna life his life but actually i cant.~ somtime i think. i really dont mind being single forever if i cant get over him.

while after class. the first thing i turn behind to find his shadow but he disappear dy. he went back already. very disappointed. then i rush down but saw his dad and him talking so i dint walk by him and say " hi " or " bye" . i just realise his dad keep stare at me. i not scare his dad but him. i just dunno how to comunicate with him anymore. when back i on my handphone awhile and sent him a smile ^.^ then suppricing that he reply my msg " ? " but just oni a question mark. is enough to know that he stil know i am around. just dont think that i can chat with him so i say i sick and sleep early. and seriously i am dam sick now

headache
tummy uncomfortable. dunno why feel puke. may be cause the medicine =.='
ear infection
feel faint and die ing
stress 20 more days to spm.!

dont talk about spm.~ i realli have start studying yet.!! i think i cant write anymore. i going really sick but his one msg really give me a sweet dreams today. i cant lie that i stil love him =.=' sigh

♥ ... whats wrong with me.? ... ♥

whats wrong with me.?

emo
i am going to EXPLODE.~

sigh

just now i dam piss when i just on my msn.. i got invite chat group and chirs make me feel killing him =.=' i know he use to joke but is dam hurt.! and then i QUIT. while the msn keep sign in and out non stop. i dunno wth with my computer. super SLOW plus always LAG.. sien

and i keep sick

headache
tummy uncomfortable
feel vomit
backbone pain ( may b i old dy.. =.=' )
infection swollen

summore i need finish up all 60 pills plus other in ONE week.~ wth.. i eat medicine till want puke dy. thats why i hate to eat medicine.~

plus
yesterday dream make me more emo.~

i can't imagine i cry in the dream T.T' sigh. why.? i think i too miss my ex so i dream bout him yesterday. while in the dream.. he treat me like totally transparent.. and he dun wait me let me walk back home during midnite. sigh.~ ytd before sleep sms him also dint reply me.. fine.! not going think about him..

anyhow..

leave me ALONE.!

♥ ... sick ... ♥

sick sick
really sick.!

stress plus sick.. make me lost the SMILE i have
just feel die ing.~

i just went to see a doctor yesterday
tell u
not i don't like see doctor
i hate c doctor

i know.. i am WEAK.~
seriously that i m not lie ing
sumtime i have a sickness that u never heard before

but i use to have fever always

history : the worst flu i have in my life
last me 5 years more =.='
that was LAST TIME

i dunno what flu is that
or what kind of VIRUS is that.~
sigh

ok talk about YESTERDAY..

i wake up about 4 pm.~ erm is very EARLY . i know.! and after i wake i feel my ear dam pain.. beside the earing hole =.=' conclusion.. is swallon sure get infected dy. before that day.. is kinda ok. just abit pain and not a big deal cause not really swollen so i DONT CARE.~ cause i bio student study about lymph thingy. when got virus or watever bacteria. it wil swollen and pain abit.~

but yesterday was. dam.!! omg.. i dunno how to describe. i get abit scare so once i wake. i run to my daddy and show him. he say " oh my gosh.! " i know it is really worst dy xD then he straight bring me to Mediviron CLINIC just at taipan there.. on the way i have no mood head he keep nag.~ and what so ever scolding. i just dam emo.!

reach
my daddy just KICK me out of car
and i went to the clinic myself.~ he say i am big enough to face a doctor
wth.! but... but
sigh
i just no more mood to argue anymore
may be he just need find a parking place =.='

after is my turn.. i went in.~ i DID NOT scare a doctor ok.? i just dont like.. i m weak enough so everytime i see a doctor sure a big problem.! and i sure will get an injection and what so ever weird thing but this time.. i have a CUT from the doctor.. wtf.! she going use KNIFE on me.~

that time i already took off my earing.. if not my dad wil just kill me =.=' so the doctor say that the swollen part got pas inside.. have to remove it. how.? she going cut one HOLE to squeeze it out.. sigh.~ injection is already pain enough. you want cut a hole.? then i start asking stupid question.. is it pain.? LOLx she say not pain dy la.. WHY doctor love to lie.?

i saw she holding a knife.! i m going to faint.. then i ly on the so call bed. and she with the nurse start doing sumthing PAINFULL.! wei.. i am alone and no one teman me.~ so can u understand the feeling.? y la ming sung is not here =.='

first she put some cold liquid then i stil can feel the knife cutting tru my skin.~ PAIN.! but i dint cry.. i just tahan =.=' when she use her rude way to squeeze my pas out. is dam pain.~ i m not kidding ok.? pain. emo plus alone.. sigh z

i m regret that i dint listen to ming sung. my ex.~ he told me not to touch and not to play the earing when wearing.. actually the reason i get infected cause.~ i m really weak. my immute system is super low.. and now i know i really alegic to silver. cause my earing is silver but when the time i wear gold dy. i get pain sumtimes also.~ plus i always took it out when pain and put it in back.. the friction makes infection.!

PHOBIA dy.! i guess i m not going to wear ear ring anymore..

end up cost me 110 bubs for everything. wth =.=' bankrupt. not my dad don't wana pay.. he say is my fault so he say give me a lesson.. excuse me.. my fault.? who bring me go pierce earing hole.. SWT btw.. i have totally no mood blaming people now..

after the doctor give me pain medicine and antibiotic.~ u know how much antibiotic she gave me.? 60 biji xD is pill form.. and is ALOT.! omg.. one day 4 times and for 1 week.. do she know how to count or did she fail her math.? need so alot and want i die eating that. =.=' totally no coment wei.~ sigh

medicine in the plastic bag

pain medicine

antibiotic
alot right.? =.='

and today i wake at 12 somthing. i eat my lunch then quickly eat my medicine. i don't like eating medicine.~ is true.. but i not going have a cut from the stupid doctor again.! then fater 4 hours.. my tummy is empty dy then i ask my mum.. " the doctor siao dy ar.? call me eat after meal.. and eat 4 times a day. how.? my dinner is 6pm.. " then my dad just call me eat medicine with EMPTY tummy =.=' can meh.? dun care la.. i ate and now 9 sumthing.. i need eat again.. wth is this.~

really surrender and there stil swollen but not pain dy.~ i dint wear ear ring dy.! i hate all this.. beside that. i have TUMMY uncomfortable.~ tummy ache. feel vomit but not really.! i also dunno what sick is it. i just feel that i disgestion got big problem. i always feel hungry and feel wan vomit.! sigh...

whats wrong with me.?

♥ ... little boy bleed ... ♥

time to blog :D
just finish my chinese 2 hours tuition

erm today...

thrusday.~

after ponteng tuesday and wednesday :D
i back school today
reason simple cause got BIOLOGY. chemistry..

but
the ms.then our biology teacher dint ABSENT from school today
wth.~ if i know she dint come school then i wont go school la

this morning i was having a nice sleep
" RANG... "
is my handphone d alarm
arg.!
i stop it and i forget i stil got set another 2 alarm
so it rang AGAIN.~

was thinking
go or don't go.? school uniform haven iron
sigh.~
till 6.20am " aiya. go only la.! "

end up only 19 people come school today
whole day teacher only addmath got discuss test paper
other is our free time to CHAT.~

so we sit in group
me. m2. lynn and jevan chat all the time.

while the last period
we chat about ghost :D hahaz
when finish school all people had pack his thing and going to leave
then
we saw a spm time table on the table
whos one.? yours dy..
no.! i keep dy
then.?

after asking we 4 person..
to ensure that everyone has kept thiers spm time table ( is important )
so whos one.?

oh o.~
wil it be err... " somebody dy " ( cause we just now talk about GHOST )
ar.!!
haha LOLx

i think is the blur blur ksz dy.~



then 1.10pm
time to go back.~

as usual. i walk back home
and after i cross the traffic light
i saw

a little primary school boy with school uniform
his head is BLEEDING.!
omg. the blood flow dowm to his face
and
to his WHITE shirt.~

i get shock
and
start taking out HANDPHONE from my bag
for your information : i bring handphone to school :D LOLx

then
after i holding my handphone
i sesat. asking " err.. who should i call for HELP.? "
takan lah i call 999
is not rape case
NOT robber

err.. what should i do.?
ya.! stop the car passing by.~

LOLx
i think i too good dy or too KEPO
and i just dunno why i feel helping the little boy
he is like so kesian
standing there sobbing =.='

so i stop the first call
is a man driving
after i teeling him all thing..
he say : i in hurry to fetch my daughter

i was lik =.='
wth man. COLD BLOODY man..
only will take u 5 minutes to take a little boy to clinic
which is just nearby

he rejected and drive away.!
hmp
then i feel like abit no point doing this.~

after that
many student pass by and some also stop for help
as CALLING the boy go the clinic near by =.='
but he like blur and get scare

i scare i he faint
then
got 1 car stop and the car driver is a lass
she seem like wan help
so she stop the car and say she will help
thank god that USJ stil got this KIND people :D

so
we call the boy get into the car
BUT.!
he does not want to.~

sigh
end up i give up dy
since he dun wan save his life then no point i keep want to help
but stil got people over they calling sumone ( dunno who )

and
i just close my eyes ( no eyes see )
walk back just pray that he will be fine soon.!



CONCLUSION
is
i realise that alot of student bring handphone to school
haha LOLz
cause when the student pass by
their first reaction when they saw the boy is
took out their handphone
and then
DONNO who to call for help.?
haha xD

this thing make me think about my ex
his head kena knock by my school ex senior gangster and bleed
sigh

♥ ... ponteng day ... ♥

sien.. a day nearer to spm again
starting o study =)

but

i can't sit infront of BOOKS so many hours
so my favourate hobby

piano.~

my house piano
dunno why this few days i start playing piano again

i trainning the song
" secret " that jay chou play in his movie
i tell u.! i heard to play it

i just a grade 5 student in piano
and i stop
sigh.~
but after spm. i going polish up my piano skill

:D

other then that
i also starting folding starts

haix

star bottle :D

and i dun stay at home for long
is not i DON'T
is i can't.! LOLx

so last few day
i guess is wednesday
i ponteng : means dint go school

err.. for your information
wednesday will be NON of 5 b class going school

if got
they wil be the boys only

so that day morning i wake up at 8am
is earli for me :D
and so i plan to go maju maju ( mamak ) eat breakfast
with my younger sister

so we walk.~

first pass by my court garden
the play ground

i love the swing xD

then
keep walking..

reach the swimming pool
realise that i have been long time dint swim

and the restaurant near the swimming pool :D

when me and my sister almost reach the guard house
i saw one familiar red car driving in

and bingo.~
is ms.then car
our biology teacher =.='! i tot that she should be teaching in the school
LOLx
she pass by and she look me like one kind
then i act like never saw her :p

i cant see her clearly cause her car window reflect
so she can see me but i cant really see her xD

so end up i have no mood walking long way to maju dy
somemore i have her class the next day
but she dint come on thursday
PHEW.~

today friday :D i was taking about few days ago

that time
i was super hungry so i just went to the indian store in my court
to buy sumthing to eat

maggie =.='

and
i bought 3

1 for morning
and
others is for supper :D

sumtime i really get no mood when there is no supper

while
my sister lazy to cook
so she bought cup maggie

for me
i need to cook

but
under the condition with no mood after see the teacher pass by
and supper hungry

i just fill a big bowl with hot water
and put the mee in it

and cover it

step to make :D

done.!

eat

my drink..
old town white coffee xD

i love coffee but dunno why.?
i sure will have headache after drinking it
sigh

and same to milk
normally i drink chocolate milk
and
i will have tummy ache later on

swt =.='

♥ ... single life ... ♥

thunder again.~
most probably is going to have HEAVY rain.!

then i will be like hiding under my blanket
and
hugging my lovely teddy
cause i scare thunder.. sigh.~

they have NAME :D


coco bear



little du du ( puppy )



and another pink teddy have no name

think bout my teddy.. i think about my ex
cause all this is from my exs
but is already pass ( smile.. )

and

i always hug my teddy sleep all night
they bring me CANDY dreams ^.^

while

now back to single life that i never had since form 1
guess that my following new BOYFRIEND will be next year when my college time
if i get into college xD

means i will stay single till next year about july
while
i already reject some
may be they just not my cup of tea xD
but
main point is

now still got 1 month
i m going to face SPM.~

after spm. i will be in malaysia 3 days
then
china and hong kong :D

when back is already january 2010
happy new year.!
and
i been invite to my friend geoffrey birthday on 10th jan :D

out going with friend
might be work for FUN. LOLx

most important thing is learn driving.!!
time will fly super fast
spm result.~
then going trip to CANADA
with my 2 best friends evelyn and ming sung for atleast 2 week :p
or longer

so back that time will already prepare for my college stuff xp
main point.~ and conclusion
i have NO TIME for having a boyfriend now.!!

target to stay single aleast till NEXT YEAR JANUARY
spm over straight go china and hong kong
so i wont want a boyfriend missing me like crazy for 2 week LOL.~

i need study la.!
if i don't have flying colour..
how i go CANADA.?

and
sholarship ^.^

i really want those.~

END

or may be someone will jump into my life anytime and i coulden stop it :D
who's know.?

♥ ... 微笑 pasta ... ♥

remember.?
i said.. i HATE staying awake during midnight without FOOD.!!
so yesterday about 2am somemthing :D
i start to feel HUNGRY

then
automaticaly. i when to my kitchen to hunt for FOOD.~

LOLx. so messy and is a small kitchen :D

i start finding everywhere
refrigerator
cupboard
everycorner xD

food.. where are you.?
SWT =.='!

finally i found pasta noodle..
so happy

i prepare olive oil
and
olive vegetable :p

yumm...

zoom.!

so i am going to cook.~
excuse me. i know how to COOK ok.?
not only maggie mee xp

not only for me
my younger sister also :D

ei.. i good jie jie ok
haha


erm.. first need wash the pan

then on the fire xD

BLUE colour nice
i dint put flesh for camera
if flesh then cannot see the fire liao

put the pan on
and put the HOT water into the pan.~
so no need wait it boil xD
waste time

put the noodle

prepare the OLIVE vegetable
took out from the refrigerator

after 6 minutes plus minus

see.! the noodle is soften :D
almost DONE haha

but i feel the noodle is not enough
so we add in more AGAIN :D
hungry mah

me.~ cooking
with sleeping cloth
erm.. actually is time for bed but HUNGRY
what to do.? xD

erm.. stil NOT enough
so add some more
alittle

so after all
put 2 spone of olive oil
i healthy dy oil. not FATS xD

by the time the noodle is done
then put the olive vege to make it warm

done dy put in mix with noddle :D

mix mix.!!

DONE

but pasta need some sour only nice
so i add some tomato sos

time to EAT.! with my sister

almost finish xD

not more then 10 minutes
i finnish it dy

i want somemore.~
but
kinda full

YUMMY:D

my sister dy also finnish liao

but she not full yet
so
she eat the " fan shi tong sui "
that mummy cook just know

everything done.~
now time to wash

haha
this job is for my sister
i cook
she wash
fair mah.!!

xD

then finally i found my mummy had bought many BREAD

aiya.~ if i know early then no need cook so mafan la
sigh
but i enjoy my supper

after filling my empty tummy
is time to SLEEP.?

no.!!

study wei.. SPM :D haha
no.
going watch tv first ( end up movie.. )
LOLx


END