yesterday night...
alot of thing happen again.~ sit back and i shall start my sad stOry.. Once again in my life
thing gOes like this :
after tuition yesterday night.. i straight away On9 to blog.! i guess blog is already part of my life because is just like my dairy. the place i that i wrote all my rubbish in my mind. and the most important things is my feelings.~ luckily ther3 is something call blog.. if not my mind is going to explode One day. while cause i had nO "real" friend to talk except evy. ^.^
so after i blog yesterday night.. the post before this.~ i start chat with evy alot about how i feel toward my boyfriend.. and other stuff. in the mean while. a chat with my boy friend 2nd elders brother toO. and the accidentally i asked him about his family problem.. actually i am reali not suppost to ask and know.! but i m really toO hurt to c my boyfriend emo-ing all the time. the worst part is he reply only in a word "en".. that make me hate started to hate that word.!.. my mind explode yesterday and i super curious what had happen to him ( his family ) so i finally i decide to ask his brOther. i have to.! if not i will jump down from twin tower or higher then that.~ i already out of my mind control. i had love him to much n get hurt tO much. plus the same time. he did not reply me at all even his msn is on-ing. i knOw he won't like i go ask his brOther but stil... i cant stop myself anymOre. toO much of worry.! i really cant take it..
after i chat with his brOther.. i know some reason why he emo.~ may b cause he really love his family alot.! and care about his family.. the talk with his brother make me better.. atleast i know he won't go suicide.~ i really wory much as in i dont show up. after i think things just go simple as this. i know the reason and decrease my wOrry.
thing gOes like this :
after tuition yesterday night.. i straight away On9 to blog.! i guess blog is already part of my life because is just like my dairy. the place i that i wrote all my rubbish in my mind. and the most important things is my feelings.~ luckily ther3 is something call blog.. if not my mind is going to explode One day. while cause i had nO "real" friend to talk except evy. ^.^
so after i blog yesterday night.. the post before this.~ i start chat with evy alot about how i feel toward my boyfriend.. and other stuff. in the mean while. a chat with my boy friend 2nd elders brother toO. and the accidentally i asked him about his family problem.. actually i am reali not suppost to ask and know.! but i m really toO hurt to c my boyfriend emo-ing all the time. the worst part is he reply only in a word "en".. that make me hate started to hate that word.!.. my mind explode yesterday and i super curious what had happen to him ( his family ) so i finally i decide to ask his brOther. i have to.! if not i will jump down from twin tower or higher then that.~ i already out of my mind control. i had love him to much n get hurt tO much. plus the same time. he did not reply me at all even his msn is on-ing. i knOw he won't like i go ask his brOther but stil... i cant stop myself anymOre. toO much of worry.! i really cant take it..
after i chat with his brOther.. i know some reason why he emo.~ may b cause he really love his family alot.! and care about his family.. the talk with his brother make me better.. atleast i know he won't go suicide.~ i really wory much as in i dont show up. after i think things just go simple as this. i know the reason and decrease my wOrry.
but no.!
because i had made a super big mistake... regret and i should not ask.~
and i did ask
because i had made a super big mistake... regret and i should not ask.~
and i did ask
after i off my cOmp and i start ly on bed.. nOt longer i get a msg frOm my boyfriend.. "nO need my brOther to wOrry me la.. " he said.. on this mOment.. i knOw his brother had tell him what i told him.. i told him that nOt to but he say he wil not lie his brother.~ is truth.! i but i dint really mind. is just i realise i had did a big misake. my boyfriend explain to me that alot of things. i learn alot.. and i start to understand mOre about him. he use to hide emotion to his family also.. cause to toO love his family and does not want them to wory him.. after the first msg i start to tears.~ and i cry again on that cool night. luckily i m the only one hu haven sleep at hOme. if not my family wil start questiOning what happen.~ while i use to be same as him. i hide alot from my family and everyone even him cause i do not want them to worry me and sad for me.!
during the night.. he say he damm angry.~ i know he will. cause if i. i wil toO.. sO get more hurt for that. i know is my fault but i already try my best to drop his mood grapg up back.. then i started to be transparents to him that night.. i can't hold any longer. and i tell him the truth feeling throgh out the day he was emo-ing.. i cry alot for him. it is cause i reali love him.~ and he told me.. he know i sad an hurt also ( he is a smart guy ).. i am really just transparent to him. just like a plastic.. how it act to hide things in it.. but stil.. wil found out by sOmeone.. i m the plastic bag and he is the sOmeon3.~ i act toO hard till i hurt myself but stil he found out.. cause my heart is really ther3 with him. he know. cause he love me..
during the night.. he say he damm angry.~ i know he will. cause if i. i wil toO.. sO get more hurt for that. i know is my fault but i already try my best to drop his mood grapg up back.. then i started to be transparents to him that night.. i can't hold any longer. and i tell him the truth feeling throgh out the day he was emo-ing.. i cry alot for him. it is cause i reali love him.~ and he told me.. he know i sad an hurt also ( he is a smart guy ).. i am really just transparent to him. just like a plastic.. how it act to hide things in it.. but stil.. wil found out by sOmeone.. i m the plastic bag and he is the sOmeon3.~ i act toO hard till i hurt myself but stil he found out.. cause my heart is really ther3 with him. he know. cause he love me..
i told him and i explain to him...
i told him what is in my mind.~ i tel him that i am his girlfriend. the one who give you care. love and also warm hug when u are down.. he said he this few days keep play cOmputer to make him tired and forget everything to sleep.! and leave me alone.. no way.! i dont wan him to do that..
is just like no different to a people who take drug and also drinking alcohol.~ i be his girl friend is want to be the persOn who stay by his side no matter he in what mOod. i do not want just enjoy happiness with him but not sharing his sadness. i hurting he throwing me aside when he is dOwn. i know he need care. hug but he refuse to have it from me.. hurt.! i had try my best to cheer him up. and everything but i stil feel i an a failiar.~
after all i wish he really could understand how i feel and what a girlfriend mean to him. is not jst a teman. company.. is about being in yOur life and wear your shoes all the time. i want to be a part of yr life. i really want to knOw u more and undertsand u mOre. please giv me a chanCe. i need it.~
after all.. u change much mOre better then last few days.. thanks that u stil can hear my heart.~i saw your smile today again. and that sweet thing ever to my heart :D
is just like no different to a people who take drug and also drinking alcohol.~ i be his girl friend is want to be the persOn who stay by his side no matter he in what mOod. i do not want just enjoy happiness with him but not sharing his sadness. i hurting he throwing me aside when he is dOwn. i know he need care. hug but he refuse to have it from me.. hurt.! i had try my best to cheer him up. and everything but i stil feel i an a failiar.~
after all i wish he really could understand how i feel and what a girlfriend mean to him. is not jst a teman. company.. is about being in yOur life and wear your shoes all the time. i want to be a part of yr life. i really want to knOw u more and undertsand u mOre. please giv me a chanCe. i need it.~
after all.. u change much mOre better then last few days.. thanks that u stil can hear my heart.~i saw your smile today again. and that sweet thing ever to my heart :D
i really love u. so bad u made me cry again.
i dun care.~ i want chocolate frOm u.!
haha.. for my comfort :p
i dun care.~ i want chocolate frOm u.!
haha.. for my comfort :p
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