♥ ... beyond the heart ... ♥

next..

my previous blog got mention about to ignore ming sung and his friend included evelyn that wil bring me sad memory
actually i realise that i just lie ing myself and try to not face the truth and forget the pass
i had just betray my heart and the love
i had been lie ing myself that i will not care bout him anymore.~

if i don't care bout him
but why i still will think about him when i wanted to book a place for the seminar.?
last thursday.. why i wanted to remind him that he got bm tuition class.? i know he will forget
but why i did all this.? cause.. i CARE bout him.. =.='

sometime i keep asking myself..
had i just let him go or i stil love him.?

yesterday i dream about him again..
but this time the dream was worst
i forget about him in the dream and i have a new boyfriend
is this shows that i had let go him and don't love him anymore.?
or i just ignore to think about him

i start to know not to cry because of him and love :D
is this show that i stronger or i have no feeling towards him.?
or
i had lose the love toward him.?
starting to regret.? erm...
to many question in my mind now
i feel i had lose my direction.. just know spm stil got 12 days.~

2 days ago
i make a friend with one of the ming sung gang's friend
he is nick. hui ru's bf.~
i talk alot with him and chat alot..
and all we talk about is LOVE.. all sort of his and mine problem

he told me that
ming sung need time and space between me and him
this is same as what evelyn told me

but nick said..
don't give up.~ try re couple
but i shake my head and type " no... he wont accpet anymore "
msn : how u know.? may be he just need space.. just wait until spm end :D

he is the first guy told me to not give up.. the faith we have
when he said that.. i feel is too late.~
i had giving up the love i have to him.. although i dint accept any new love
but i knew i had lose the the love to him
i feel that don't love him anymore

i tell myself
i love him very deep.. BUT there is last time le
i cant find the love to him anymore
i ask in my heart.~ nick. how can i stil wait him without the heart of love.?
he had distroy it deeply before..

sometime i really feel wanna sit down one on one to talk with ming sung
i wanna know what he think and what he want
i though that he want to leave my life.. and this is wat he want. but all i just GUESSING.~
he really dont love me and want leave me
or he just want some space to breath.. as what evelyn and nick said.?

i m lost...

do i stil love him.. is still a question mark.?
or i had just let go him..

he is beyond the god
the name he told me before.. his name in his gang
i hope he is the beyond my heart

m i waiting him
or he will finds me back...

being a friend now just like freezing all the time between me and him
do i stil love him.?
i had no idea anymore

but
i just want to back to last time
have to energy to move on.~
i miss the past... the time i with u and the time i love u
i want love u back.!

tan ming sung... where are u.?
u say before
if i lost.. u wil use heart to find me back
u said your love till show you where am i.~
but.. now
i cant feel you anymore

flip back our picture and your picture
just can feel the love is hiding deep deep in my heart
can't feel it anymore
i just know his smile can melt my heart

feel run toward him and hug him tight
whisper to his ear " please don't leave me again.. i love u.~ "
and i wil never let go huging him
i want time stop
i want feel his heart.. my love
where are u.?

the sweetest thing ever is
when i fall asleep in your hug
how many regret i can replace it.?

i do alot of mistake and learn alot
i promise i wont give you endless trouble anymore
i won't emo infront of you anymore
i wont let u repeat anymore... now i only know u hate repeat. =.='

u said u will marry me early cause don't want i flit with other guy
when u watch me sleep in your hug.. u call me don't drool
u use to call me lao po.~
u will hug me back from behind when i turn around going to leave
u wont let me wait u computer games till midnite
u will teman me oi oi every night
u buy chocolate for me to tham me smile... then i will say " thank lao gong.. i love u "
and
you say you will love me forever.~

izit someone use a billion to buy u away from me.?
why you wanna leave me
what you main reason...

i want u stay... devil ming sung
when i told u that i love vampire
u said u are silver eyes royal vampire
when i say i miss u
u WALK every foot step to my house from your school
when i cold
u hold my hand and hug me tight
when i merajuk.
u will do what ever thing to tham me
when i cry
u help me wipe of my tears
when i tired
i will straight fall in your hug
when i naughty
u become more devil
when i hug u
u hug me more tight and make me cant breath cause u dont want any distance between us
when i say " i love u "
u will say 2
when i down..
u bring me up
u say yes but when i say no
u straight french kiss me.. u dint give a chance for me to say NO and explain
when i standing alone
u hug me from behind and ly yr head on my shoulder
when i said i want to be yours
u bite me on my neck and want me stay as yours forever
when i ly on top of u..
u push me down and kiss me
when i first time go movie with u
u give me the special and best memory ever which we sitting on stair watch movie
but end up sitting couple place lying on u
when i go near you and hug u
u whisper to my ear " i love u lao po "
when i fall alseep during midnite
u help me put on blanket and check my temperature
and u will stil whisper to my ear " i love you forever "

u is the first guy ask me couple face to face.. " will you be mine.? " in sushi king summit
u spike your hair and ear tie to tuition to get my attention
u call me every night till u have to reload everyday till bankrupt :D
u talked with me on phone with endless topic till midnite no need fall asleep
u told me your secret
u spam me till i go crazy
u skype with me everytime after tuition and everytime u online
u give a goodbye kiss everytime before u back from tuition
u bend down and kiss me infront of your friends once before u leave
u buy me lollipop and we eat the same flavor.. cola.~
u will wait me everytime if i later for class
u let me keep your tuition attendance card cause u said.. " even i sick.. i also must go tuition "
u give me your time by coming tuition extra time to spend more time with me
u ownself made a box and small box key chain for my birthday present
u teach me how to fold a special ship by using paper
u stick our picture behind your handphone so every time when u put your handphone on anywer. u wil let the picture face up so it wot get scratches..
u will hold my waist when everytime we go walk walk
u say holding my waist is better then holding my hand cause u get nearer then me
u stay a minutes longer in tuition with me after class altot u know your mother wont like and wil get angry
first time u kiss me when we couple is the day u going back from from summit
then i see u running down summit to mum's car like roket
u said if u have a younger sister
u will protect her and very sayang her.. but i dun want be your sis..
i want be your girlfriend.. your wife

3 month 12 days with you is not long
but we go tru dy is too many memories

when u emo
i wil try my best to make u smile.. tickle u
when u sad..
i hug u and lend u my shoulder to cry
when u tired
i lend you my shoulder to let u rest
when u hungry
i share my dinner with u and feed u :D
when u cold in tuition
i give u my sweater
when u hug me.. i kissed u
when your eyes turn red
i pull to dark stair... and borrow my shoulder huging u tight
when your tie go mess
i tie it for you.. the tie you wear is always the one i bought for you ^.^
when u want to drink coffee or nescafe
i took it and put it back.. i know u will get headache when u drank it
when u want to drink alcohol
i stop u and care u like your mother
when u sick or fever
i will always put my hand on your forehead and check your tempereture
and ask u " u ok my dear.? "
when u look into my eyes
i heart speed like racing F1 car
when u say " i love u "
i know u really mean it.. because you wont lie me

actually i got i wish
wish to have a last hug on the last class of tuition in kasturi cause
that might be the last time i see him
i dint.. cause he dint give me any chance to hug him
i made 520 stars to him but the last day in kasturi
i dint give him... dunno why.?

may be he really needs times
when i can step one step closer to you
to be your girlfriend AGAIN.?

i love he deepest among all
no one is perfect but he is perfect for me

he is just a devil same as me
it have been 17 yours finding a same devil
and i found.!
but end up... i lost it..

i can't imagine next time he fall in love to another girl
hugin another girl and tel her u love her

fallen love never be found
i dun mind being single forever if i cant get over u.~
devil

beyond.~
i will wait u