when is time.. i will leave u.!

this picture stick behind my hp.. we took it when i have the first date with him.~

but..

is over.! i know is over but til now. already about a week. i stil cant take it.~ why.? my heart just cant stop beating for him.. pain.!! i cry again...i though i had stand up from his hurt but.. T.T


now i wearing earphone.. on my music as loud as i can.. but his image stil appear in my mind. his every action. his smile. his hug. his everything.!! i can't take it. i keep asking. why he want kiss me on the stair first time. if not i won fall for him.~ never.!! i build my wall so high.. he beyond it.~


is hari raya holiday now.. mean tuition on holiday a week so means i m not going him one week.!! i repeat.. is one week.. and i started to miss him. i wonder how if i dint see him for few month. crazy d.. thi few night i begin not to sleep well.. hard to get sleep so midnight i stil on-ing my comp on loud loud music to listen. and get scold by parents. i just cant sleep.. if there is no one name ming sung in this world then i would have a super nice chocolate dream.~ oi oi until half dead.. but since he appear keep appear in my mind. my heart just like having race with F1 car.. heart start to function unnormally.! m i having heart attack.? even i only get sleep when i sick but i wil wake up super early. about 5am or 7 am.. oh my.~

and i had think alot.. alot alot of thing.~ many thing just explode in my mind.. i really suffer.! when everything i sitting with him. is worst then sitting with a sweet teddy.! imagine that... after all. i have a plan.~ i make a choice is to leave him after my tuition in kasturi. since i m not going to see him anymore. i wil leave his life. i wil change my hp num.~ i really have no choice. since i have give him endless trouble and stress.. i really love him. but i had chose to leave.. i wont contact him anymore. just end it.. he dont want i stay and i cant stay him so i wil just leave. may b this what he want.. is this better for us.?

yesterday tuition. sejarah.~ heavy rain.! really heavy rain. and for sure he is wet.. when i first saw him. i try to act just a normal friend to him. but i cant. my heart started to pain when i first saw him... i m trying to find sonething to do.. so i wont think so much.. i start to disturb the guy friend just sit beside me.~ he doing add math so i take is paper and see.. but.! mig sung say.. " annoying right.? " walao hurt sia.!! i not kacau-ing him right.. what u want care.? then i really dun feel staying there see him eating.. i try look around and find andrian and jerr.. yay.! saw them. must be them.. is them.! is my excuse to leave now.. i run to them and go to orange.~

then in class i sit beside andrian and jerr... jerr and evelyn sit between ming sung. and i first time not sitting with him.!! i m kinda upset. but no.~ i feel is my time to inorg him. i try kacau andrian and jerr.. talk to them.! i just act as he is not around.. i took andrian hp. to take picture with jerr.~ and alot. once he calling me. i know i just act like dint heard and tell andrian " hey.. ming sung calling u la.! " i just try best to inorg him.!!.. after class.. i talk to evelyn. i see her finger nail that had paint.. i noe ming sung got also. i just act dono. he trying to show me he had also but i dint choi him.~ i talk to everyone but not him..i take him as transparents...

until everyone is leaving.. i say bie to everyone but not him.! i know he is not leaving. he say he going form 4 sejarah.. same as me. but he act follow him go back.. i lyk " huh.? " and hurt.. he leaving also.? he turn back and give me a smile.. he just playing.~ n.n' he walk behind me.. i stil try to inorg him.. but.. wil he emo if i just inorg him. is only me and him now.. i give up. i turn behind and smile at him. to show him. i m not emo.! he hate i emo..
until i got into class.. class already start. i look around is full. nope.! is not full. got alot of single place.. no.! i cant let him sit alone and i sit far away. so i go behind of the class. the last row and sit down.. he sit beside me.~

i stil try to act we are just normal friend.~ i sometime look at him when he dint notice me.. he is really leng zai. n.n' i smile. he just beside me.. although our relationship is getting far apart.! he started to rub his hand and do somthing weird. i ask him. " what u doing.? " .. he said he cold. on the time i dint think twice. i straight take off my sweater and throw to him.~ what m i doing.? die.. i m going sick. for sure.!! and i told him " nah.~ i m not cold.!" he put on.. and i start to feel cold.. oh my. what m i doing. LOLx.! i try act nothing as usual.. i know his shirt is wet. he will be more cold then me.. i dun wan he get sick.~ what.!! but thats not friend do. why i stil care bout him.. ar.!! what m i doing.? haix.. i just forget it.. and i always look wheather d sweater got drop down anot and i wil pull it back for him.. i scare he get cold. actually i am stil alright.. abit cold only.~

until i reach home. i got fever.~ LOLx. i knew it.! and that night same as the night before i just cant get sleep.. my heart beat really fast as a rocket. and some pain.. after i sent a "nite" to him. i ly on bed try sleep.. i cant.! so i on my music super loud..where earphone try to forget him.. is too painfull to remember all our memory. and til 3 somthing. i though he slept so send a msg to him to " help him out on blanket " then he reply.. " go sleep late d " after that he dint reply d.~ i holding my hp and everytime i turn back my hp. i saw the picture.. sweetest ever.~ and pain again. why he just wan me fall on him.? monkie.. til today. the 2nd day of holiday. i stil havent start study. i really have no mood to study. how.? spm.. die la.~ until 5am i get to sleep then wake at 7am and 11am my dad woke me up to eat at temple.. wth.! i so hard get sleep and he wake me up.! hate him man..

til now.. my mood haven stable yet.. somtime stil cry and emo. missing him and many.~ why i love him so deep until i cant stop myself. monkie ming sung.!! but since i chose to leave u.. i will.~ i dont wan give u trouble anymore. u wont wan me stay also.~ i wish the last day of tuition. i wil get a hug from u.! and is end.. bie.~ u dont love me but i stil love u. caause i stupid ma. love a person that dont of me.........