♥ ... realise ... ♥

i realise that
i start wanting to chat with him more..

i realise that
i had tell him too much of my secret
and i trust him that he will keep it safe.~

i realise that
i m missing him.? did i.?
smile... C=

i realise that
something is really going not right

after jake.ms go..
comes a ~LaGuardia..
and after everything end
appear the " sleeping beauty "
LOLx.. :D

what is happening...
i hold my heart and ask myself
" heart is with me but why i cant feel it.? "

something is really not right..

and..

i realise that i don't use to be in a single life
may be i just want have someone for me to clingy on.. ( boyfriend )
so i feel wanting a bf..
but at the same time.. i scare hurt.~
.. there is no words to describe the feeling of pain T.T'


midnight 12 am something today...
i call him again.~ " konichiwa " C=
actually i just cant sleep
reason simple.. jake.ms just pop out of my mind.~


then he asked me.. do i stil love jake.ms .?
i wanted to say yes but my tongue hold my words back

cause i realise..
the one that i loved is the pass memory of him.~
things changes.~

he had walk miles away from me..
now even he stand infront of me
he is not the one i meet before
i realise that i don't recognise him any dy
he is also not the one i love anymore... complicated. right.?


i realise i just being in the dreamland missing the momory we build last time

i think is time for me to wake up now.~
i should leave the momory and build a new one.. start a new love
missing the pass have no future..
is just like meaningless

sometimes things should let go
and what had done is done...
there have no perfect U-turn for every story
and not everything can back to zero ( the point we start.. )

smile is the best medicine C=
i promise i will walk out of the darkness..
and i not going miss him.. right.?




waiting " sleeping beauty " dy message.. C=



sign off...

♥ ... finally ... ♥

phew.~ finally.!

finally biology is over..

erm.. overall.~ is kinda ok la
hope can score A C=

paper 2
section A is terrible hard =.=' i seriously dunno what is going on
but section B is kinda ok.~ [ keep write so call rubbish again ]
sigh

paper 1
can say is the most easy paper compare to what i had did before C=
but some are kinda not sure T.T'
is just only some .. wee..
much more better then paper 2

last is paper 3
first question is kinda easy...
but the 2nd question.. err.. ok only la.

and sumore.. i stil have extra time for paper 1 and 3
wee... C=

next thing is..

finally i can online dy.. T.T'

you know what.?
yesterday my whole family go midvally..
and leave me alone at home.~

that wasn't the main poin..
the main point is my dad go lock my internet
grr...
add on my sister took away the handphone
so nothing left for me.!

but luckily they dint took the key and house phone out
lolz xD
cause i plan to call some one out yam cha..

but.. but stil teruk... =.='

what i have is only biology books and piano..
sienz.~

after they went out.. first thing i do is use my house phone to call
" konichiwa "..
dunno why i will call him.. may be..
i just feel talking to him.?
smile.. C=
chat about 30 mmintues..

and end up i dint go out yesterday C=
i think is because he call me to better stay at home and study my biology
erm.. somthing weird.~ haha

so i took 3 hours nap and i first time so semagat study
i use up 4 hours straight to study my biology.. form 4
oh my.~ is the sky going to fall.?

but hours of facing the same book just make me so tired
i dint fall asleep..
while the best way to wake me up is play piano.~
so means i stop half an hour to play my piano and continue study again.
wee.. C=

so the day end...

♥ ... 2012 ... ♥

the movie ♥ .. 2012 .. ♥

i have been wanting to see this movie for so freaking long ago =.='
and finally.~
today we watch it at summit.!
haha.. C=
actuali we bought this movie ticket the day before
because there have no single place
after we go there ask for 2 times..

but.. phew.~
just got back from the movie..
and the movie is dam nice.!
i wonder why kiing said it is not nice.~
but to me.....
is super duple nice wei C=

at first we went there in time.. 2.30pm
but sit down dy. the screen still showing black.!
wahlao.~ but aldy 2.40pm
this is reali so call malaysia.~
since when they will be puncture.?
lolz.. xD

end up..

the movie is super kan jeong..
means it make me so nervous.~ ^.^
and i think my finger is going to drop off..
cause i keep bite my finger
lolz...
now i start to feel pain T.T'

summore i can feel the feeling of success from the movie..
and the same time.~
there is also alot of scarify because of love ♥

example..
the so call bad guy.. altot he has a cool heart..
but he scarify his live to save his 2 child. C=
very gam dong.~ ( mean very touch )

while the swt part is..
they get in to a car and all of them very panic.~
the car cannot start...

" all keep quite.. " the owner of the car shout.!
then he say " engine.. start.~ "
then the engine reali start C=

i was like... deng.! za dou.~
the car use voice dy..
swt sia =.=' but kinda funny

conlcusion.. i love ♥ this movie.
wee.. C=



time to play is over.~
now is time study bio =.=' sigh

ciao.!

♥ ... cousin sis ... ♥

wee... C=
so glad that yesterday my cousin's family came my house
visit us from penang..
erm.. by bus

actually i got a shock..
i was lik.. err. how come suddenly they come dy.?
cause they really rarely come to KL
without grandparents teman :D

the main point is my cousin sis came C=
she is just elder then me one year
and dunno since when.. we just love ♥ each other
lolz.. seriously miss her so much.~




the one i miss the most is the time i play piano with her xD
haha.. 1 piano 2 person.
chun leh.?
but long time no play dy lu.~

just dunno why everytime she visit me
is the time were i m busying with exam.. tuition and stuff
i was super duple busy dy period
=.=' sigh.~
if not i can teman her go gai gai geh

but i promise her that after my spm.~
i will go penang alone to find her
haha xD
if she dun bring me gai gai..
i will kung fu her.. lolz..

yesterday night.. we just chat.~
but is not enough for me.. haha
i feel that i have too many thing to tell her..
about love and all source of my suck life =.='
add on with teenagers.. parents and those problem..

T.T' i kinda miss her now..


erm stil remember last time when i were small
before i come to KL...
she is one oni cousin sis play with me in penang C=

we use to fight.. play
and all stuff.. so nice.~
btw..
i also miss my other elder cousin bro geh
he elder then me 2 years :D
but now..
he seem like super busy dy lu

he had his own life in aust stuying biotechnology..
haix.. miss and miss him

he also use to care me alot when i back penang last time
arg.~ but he is so far now..
lolz.. when he wil back here.?

♥ ... tuition ... ♥

i use to be a kasturi student
but is end

so the only tuition that haven end is..
chinese tuition.!

sienZ.~

some more sumtime time have to wake up super early to teacher house T.T'
for tuition.!!
my sleep time reduce alot man.~

the main reason is because the last spm exam
is chinese.. so call 华语 =.='

ok.~ let u see my chinese tuition time table

november classes

09/11 mon 5 pm - 7 pm

12/11 thurs 8.15 pm - 10.15 pm
21/11 satur 8.30 am - 10.30 am
26/11 thurs 10.30 am - 12.30 am

december

09/12 wednes 10.30 am - 12.30 pm
10/12 thurs
11/12 friday ..." same time "...
12/12 sat
13/12 sun


so can u see that now.?
how torture m i T.T' sob

december dy class straight from 9th til 13th =.='
include sat and sunday..
no rest.. zZ
people after chemistry exam go play
i have to go tuition till siao.~

haiz.. i also just back from chinese tuition
tired.~


sienZ
sign off..

♥ ... heart ... ♥

my heart ♥

time passes.~

i though it had fade away
but as i saw our picture..

i know i still have my heart to you no matter how hard i try


after days and night i been asking myself
" did i still like u.? "

yea..
i realise i really still love u.. ♥
deepest among all.~

and i have no energy to lie myself anymore..

flashback.. when everything appear in my mind
is so clear and real.. " i ♥ miss u "

now i just try not to think about u
but u your name in my heart will never wash up.~

i hope that my heart ♥ and my love is enough to bring u back one day




♥ ... i ڸ٥ﻻ ع١٥٧ ... ♥ jake.ms

♥ ... darling ... ♥

why now a day..
i mean recently my life pop out more and more weird guys dy.?

first.. there are many unknown guys add me in facebook and msn =.='
nvm.~ i still can accept them to be friend as usual C=

then chat in msn..

but problem come.. T.T'
they start calling me " darling " and.. " dear dear "
and wat so ever geli thing
swt =.='
i know is sweet but i feel wanna vomit blood.!

stop calling me that pls xD
LOLx.. i don't use to it if u r not my bf.. swt

i start wonder..
why guys like to flirt and merajuk now a day.?
i mean some weird guys that i meet -.-'

some even more funny
they want me to call him " dear "..
i swt like.. dot dot dot..
speechless.~

whats wrong la with all this guys
LOLx.~


excuse me.!
to tell u.. i m really single.~ and unvailable..
i really reali have no heart to love some one for now
and some other reason
so stop asking me couple =.=' swt

and so i keep reject guys..
annoying T.T'
pro heartbreker .. sigh.~

and please la.. stop call me during midnight and sms
some time really beh tahan.
plus i don't reply means i dont feel reply so please dont spam me.!
dun make me get on fire.~
i will kena u 99. xD

while same to those leng zai please take note.~
stop asking me u leng zai anot =.='

veli swt wei.!
summore always say yourself leng zai
over confidence liao la

actuali u r leng zai but end up make me feel u are not..
too perasan -.-'



note :

all this not mean the one who are my truthly guy's friends
and i appreciate them alot. hugy C=
but to the guys that want to kau me and annoy or wat so ever please fuk off =.='
friend is more then enough.~



night.~ ciao.!

♥ ... add math ... ♥

today only have add math paper C=

paper 1 .. 8am - 10am
paper 2 .. 2pm - 4.30 pm

so there are 4 hours rest between..

and
end up overall only have 1 word for it.. " fail " T.T'
sob.~

yesterday night about 12 am
i start to take out my pass year add math books to do
start from year 2005 til year 2008
4 set and i only use 2 hours 2 finish all set paper 1
chun leh.? :D

i do paper 1 only cause tomorrow paper 1 first mah
some more paper 2 i can do during the 4 hours rest right.?
but problem is already 2am T.T' when i finish
sob.~ so tired.!

so as usual.. today morning keep yawning
keep tears cause sleepy zZ

8am sharp again.
" anda boleh mula sekarang "

i flip though the paper and smile C=
it look easy to me and i start doing..


all thing go well..
answer one by one.. :D

wow.~ i cant imagine that i cant answer almost all
only some not sure.!
i feel that i dint waste my 2 hours doing pass year question yesterday nite
wink.~

but i wasted about 20 minutes on one stupid question =.='
i keep do do do.. but cant find
and waste my time and energy keep thinking.~

end up i realise is so simple.
2 step kao tim.. :D
i was like... what the hell.~ so easy.!
but i do it so complicated =.='

that y it call add math.~
look complicated but easy only..
u just have to understand the question
thats all.! Lolx



so later on.~
i walk back home alone
use to it dy T.T'


back.~

sleep.. zZ eat.. then go school exam again
and i thought i can use some of the time out of the 4 hours for revision
but end up i use it to sleep xD

die la paper 2..
really =.='

all seem so hard and i only answer some of it
terrible.~
and it make me no mood to do
i just keep sigh
and do watever i know.. thats all =.='
hopeless.

hope my paper 1 will bring me high mark
and won't fail me

cross my finger once again.~


ciao...
now worry dy is biology T.T'

♥ ... clear the books ... ♥

wee.. C=
my bedroom looks more clean dy..

phew.~
i just clean up my messy and dusty room
actually the main reason is to throw all the exercise books away
duh.~ the spm dy

to all the subject the had take
say bubbye to them C=
and sent them to store room

so now.. my study table seem like lesser books dy
only left 4 subject xD
which is biology.. chemistry. physics and chinese 华语 :D

while
biology wil be the next monday
physics next thursday..
and to be continue.~ =.='

time passes really fast..


btw.. recently heard that ms's friend said he did not prepare well in spm
i kinda worry bout him
sigh.. dont ask me why.~

wish and pray he can get good result..
i know he is smart to handle it xD



ciao.~
going study biology.!


wee.... C=

♥ ... i drive ... ♥

wee... i drive C=

yea i drive today. real drive.~
... nervous ... wee xD


" hey xien. i brought my car.. come i sent u home today.~ "
terence tell me just after i exit the examiner ha :D

i was lik " really.? wow.~ kiez.! "
i m glad that i no need to walk home alone today
wee.... C=

and at the same time..
terence fetch christopher and subbie back also
wink.~

so as i walk out of the school ( cause he park his car outside the school )
i saw alot of car is at rest without owner
and mostly 9 out of 10 car have a red " P " stick infont of the car
haha.. actually all these are student car la.!
they drive to school to take spm
so nice.~
i wish i can but i haven learn to drive yet T.T' sob

then we all get into the car :D
car started..

at first terence accelarate his car to the max..
and he drive on the opposite side car dy road =.='

i was like " oh gosh.. i wish i wont die so fast "
and i started to pray to 3 gods T.T'

but he dint stop doing that..
he keep going and " cut " ( take over ) the other car
which is schoolmate Feon is driving her car on the way back 2

i getting more scare xD and " terence.!! "
i know he just love to play but is dam dangerous =.='
lucky is not main road.
if not i wil kill him

i just getting a heart acttack from that
and my heart just like pop-ing out T.T'
but finally..
phew.~
he drive back to normal ( counted as better then just now )

while u are right.~
he had no driving lisen =.='
but he had drove car about 1 year more
this is so call malaysian mah
sigh.~ speechless

after had fetch them back..
last is my turn :D wee...

then we talk about driving and so
then he say he can teach me how to drive.!
wow.~

so nice.. and this will is the first lesson for me
driving lesson xD


he teach me in my court..
is more safe. wink.~

first i learn how to drive in a straight line C=
forward and back

i drive.. nervous

and i scare i will bang any thing at that time
" dont worry.. dont worry.~ i am here... " terence said
lol but i stil very nervous xD

ok now u hit the break...
go slowly... slowly let go the break.~ bla bla x2

i m driving xD


then 2nd is learn how to take turn.. left and right
wee..

i first time drive a car.. a real car.!
but his car is auto..
reali nice and wish to drive summore :D

haha but his petrol meter seem droping fast
cause is honda car. not kancil.~
thas y xD

ok.. finally i know sumthing about driving a car.!!

wee... ciao C=


but
2mr add math.~ die la.. T.T'

♥ ... moral ... ♥

" u stil have 10 minutes "

i m writing... C=
nervous.. heartbeat keep accelarate..

tick tock... 10 minutes had pass


" masa telah tamat. sila letakkan pen and pensil anda.. saya kutip sekarang "
i m stil keep writing..

is moral paper only moral paper :D
to tell u the truth. i dint pass my moral before
and i always sleep during moral exam

while this is the only time i dint sleep for moral paper zZ
and i keep writing and answering rubbish and with no blanks
is full of blue ing =.='
til the last minutes teacher standing infront of me

i said i wrote lap sap so call as rubbish because i seriously dunno what m i writing
whats come to my mind then thats is what the outcome

but since is spm.. so yesterday nite...
i use 2 hours before sleep got to memorise all 36 nilai
until when i fall asleep.
the book is still with me lolz
this is the only last effort i can put for my moral
i don't want to fail moral T.T'

8am sharp..

i open the moral paper and i flip through..
thank god. i realise that there ar no question related to akta thingy
if not i hav to leave it blank xD
almost all are kbkk..
use alittle brain plus i memo dy nilai sure pass C=

first.. i find a blank page to write down all my 36 nilai
actuali i dint expect that i can remember all 36
but after i count back. " 1...2... 36 "
wow.~ i get shock.
i can remember 36 just oni use 2 hours :D
i feel i m smarter now haha

then i start to do... and keep doing.
is sleepy but stil.. write write write and write =.='

omg.. time pass so fast
and some student had finish start leaving to hall
what.? they finish dy.?
but y i keep writing still haven finish..?
and some started to sleep long time ago.~

then i realise i m the one unnormal
the one holding the blue pen keep writing
and thinking. y they sleep not writing.?
i m really unnormal.? =.=' swt question keep appear in my mind
but i dint think much. just write.!

actuali today i dun really have to mood to do exam paper
cause i got tummy ache
just because of the stupid menstrual.~
arg.! hate it..
and i dint eat my breakfast T.T' sob

now what can i do is cross my finger and pray to god
that i wont fail moral C=

wee... no more moral.!

♥ ... smile back ... ♥

listen.~ heartbreaker..
i will steal your heart ♥
to ensure u are not a heartbreaker C=

why i keep like be middle person
testing guy heart
izit my hobby.? lolx or is my job..?
question mark.~

everytime
i m always the one cheer people up
then end up
i also the one who get sad T.T'

but thing over
when see back his blog.~
he ( ~LaGuardia ) wrote alot thing about his gf
i jus..
smile C=

and so...

lately
i found my black list added some new member =.='
the so call black list is to put..
the one that i hate and not worth to rmb.~

♥ ... black list ... ♥

elizabeth ng yu yang
jake tan ming sung
nicholas ng eng hoe ( ~LaGuardia )

so better dont mention their name infont of me
if not.. i will really kung fu u

plus..
i hate the thiny so call love ♥
=.=' heartbreaker

so now
i m single and not available.~




note :

heart break mean sad T.T'
cause heart kena break into pieces..
pain and sad
swt =.=' z

not mean kena fei ( not cpl liao break )
get it.? xD lolz

so heartbreaker means
the one who break a person heart.
made her sad..

not the one who say break in relationship
sigh.~
please understand this
i don't want so call misunderstand happen again =.='




sign off.. wee C=

♥ ... i quit ... ♥

i start to feel something is not right to my heart ♥ again
my heart ♥ .. keep accelerate and it stop.~
am i going to die.? =.='
swt.~ i don't want die so young leh.

love ♥ really suck.~
but things finally end and solve today

erm.. while
since i take this blog as my dairy
so i think i don't mind writing all it here =.='
sigh.~

things happen like this...

today after i on my msn
i get her offline msn message
and i know something unlikely is gona happen
so i read it word by word
and started an undescribeable feeling in my heart.~

the message..

she think that i gona fight with her to take him away.
and she said " good job " for that
wtf.~ dam insulting
i was like.~ what.? =.=' i m really this kind of person meh
swt

ok.~ let me clear it..

i duno since when i start to miss the so call ~LaGuardia
and i just realise lik him when..
i get sad at the time he said he couple back with her dy
and i swear that i dint think that want fight with her
to get him.~ =.='

for your information..
like thingy always comes and go with silence

summore wth.. no way man
love how to fight.. from
heart ♥ dy mah
and i know he stil love her so deep
prove.? simple..
everyday he keep tell me his heart ♥ still with her =.='

pointless to like him right.? cause if i like him..
just like poking a knife into my heart myself
siao a.? -.-'
get hurt from ms stil not enough meh
deng.~

i already know he love her..
why i still want like him
plus
i also dunno i like him dy ok.? and i don't want to like him
keep avoid to like him -.-'

add on
if i want die as in suicide also not in this way la
in those love hurtfull stuff.. torture

but
end up i accidentaly like him may b cause
i dint realise that when i get deep hurt from ms
his care and his company had over flow
=.=' i duno y i start to miss him which i shoulden

and 1 more thing to clear
is.. he just care me as fren.. swt.~ really la
same time he also get sad from his ex ( but now is gf )
so mah cheer him back as i treat everyone

swt again.~
is just really normal friend kiez.?
don't believe.?
then how many god u want me to swear to.?

i really hate keep explain and explain
to someone that don't trust or believe u =.='
deng.~
but i stil got high patient to avoid shit misunderstand happen
and i m not blaming anyone.!
cause..
misunderstand is already counted as " natural phenomenon "

so... simply
end up i admit i like him..
happy now.?

but another question..
u keep say u love ms but now u say u lik ~LaGuardia =.='
fuk.~ another thing to clear
i dunno why human can't understand human

first.. i m really not a so call play girl.!
so u want me swear to 3 gods again.? -.-' ok.~ i swear
but this is not the first time i explain in my blog

plus now i realise i really hate to repeat
but to ensure shit dun happen again.~
i don't mind tell thoudsand of times =.='

explaination :
when the time nick ( ~LaGuardia ) tells me
the main reason ming sung break with me..
' if u rmb.. cause i m not going to repeat whats the reason.. just suck reason '
then i feel i have no energy to love ming sung anymore
i started to let the love fade away fully.~

but truth love to a person is not easy to forget
so i m telling. i stil love him.~
erm.. in complicated way
actually. i dont know do i stil love him.?
but dun ask why again.!
cause this i dunno how to explian.~ =.=' swt

ok next.. continue the hui ru offline msn massage -.-'

she gave me 2 choices
friend or love enemy.. dot x3

wait.~
all this i post. is not to critisize her =.='
and this shows how much she love him
all what she said is just because she scare losing him
now i know how deep she love him

she said this also because she don't trust me
hey.! u.~ tell me la.. who will trust 情敌.? ( love enemy )
common sense right..
must stand on her position and think mah lolx
but i know she trust him C=

lol.. i get jealous of this
seriously

ok.~
back to topic. swt

so she means either i quit or war. -.-'
and end up
i choose to quit

i choose to quit is not mean that i m a looser.!
is just war ing is not my style C=
i dun might get hurt..
but since is not belongs to me.. i wont take it.~

and i quit not mean that i scare u =.='
is i respect u..
plus u don't want anyone get hurt including me
i not that person which is
狐狸精 and 自私 dy ( selfish )

to make thing clear and no more shit thing so call misunderstand happens
i promise her that i will never contact him again.~
( wah.. heart pain T.T' )

straight go menu.. create message
text him and say bubie T.T'

and nexti will never ever interrupt u 2 dy relationship

this is to prove i m not 狐狸精 ( 3rd person )
n my image C=

but i warn her to.. ( ei.. fair wert casue she warn me also.. lolz )
don't hurt him again.~ " i don't care she hurt him or he hurt her "
i just don't want he sad la =.='
if not
i will war with her
haha LOLx.~

actually my meaning is make sure she appreciate him
he is a nice guy

i mark my promise and i wont break it :D
rmb.? so they fight or hurt also not my problem anymore
( wahsai.. hurt again T.T' )

and my job is done :D
i finally help them to get back together
and
sorry if i bring endless trouble
wink.~

so now
me and hui ru.. friend C=
and
want to thank her that she stil give me a chance being a friend of her

while..
~LaGuardia or nikki.. nick =.=' ( same person la )
delete..
is not in my dictionary anymore
sigh.~

what choice do i stil have.?
cry T.T'

ming sung gone then come a nick
so whos next.?

sob...

wai.~ i wan tissue la.. sob