arhh.!!

aarh..!! i m going crazy dy
real crazy..

hate all this shit feeling~ -____-
sien lar
explode... no going to care

chil for days
and let it be. alone
i pun wan be alone .__.

2 in one ♥ reali wil die faster.!
foO shen~ u this hapi boi wer r u.?
i wan chat with u.. Lol =.='

blast blast ... BLAST my ears..
sei lor~
y i m so lifeless liaO

so sien.. god. r u playing me.?
i really surrender. please

whats in my mind

he really a pig.. -____-

i~ letting go and never holding back
sometimes realy want to hate him
♥ but love and hate cannot be in a same time .___.

he care me.? he wil.~ but not cause he love me
he said is just his responsibility = sympathy.?
dont want to know. i just want to appreciate

he love me.? ♥
he wil never~ cause i had try my best

played by him.?
not counted but had pass..
i just wish he had got enough for me
wat i want just a real sincere from him even being a special one
cause i had been fool enough..
very pain T___T

when he wil stop everything and lookz at me


♥ last promise.?
yes i wil keep the promise.. stupid waiting
but never letting him know

so... stil care him.?
nah.~ never.. i wil never care his stuff anymore
he kau lui his problem
his life got girls but is not me.! xD

cause i dun want hurt so dun wanna care
dun wan care so dun want to know~
=)

but as in care him not his life.?
this is diff story :D
care.. let it flow lor~ ♥

i just wil~
never letting him know ♥ 'i love him'
not caring him as he had use to it
not going to bother him until..
when i feel hurt throwing him aside

cause
if he knw i love him
his heart wil get more far away
when i care him more
is like uLu glue stick to his life. he wil hate me
but if he down
i wish i can cheer him up

cause i miss his smile than his emo pig faCe (=

i cant stop him from giving me hurt ♥

so i need to protect my heart my own
care him lesser
blind my eyes and dun want knowing the truth

he love me or not.?
rather duno than getting a NO
but i wil wait u say ♥ "yes~"


put this in my mind
"he wil never ♥ love me. dun think he wil.. never~ "
but my heart cant stop telling myself that
"i love u.. nicholas"

kesian me

Lawl.. kesian me
today is the first time i eat my lunch in such a huge college -alone-!
u know how big is tarC in setapak.?

i like someone kena dumped aside..
sob sob T____T
eat also no taste~
but hav to eat mah.. if not later gastriC
sienZ

stupid teacher sudden today say no BIO.!
yay.~ but 2 hours break..
doing nothing~
time pass like an arrow
why r.?
but one thing is true ♥ .. time heals (=

wee.. everything is like no real.?
i kinda blur haha xD
life.!! rocK it man...
enjoy to the maX.!

yay.! i m glad i had totally let go
the pain. ♥ the love - everything (=
after the nite cry all out

study study.... study.....
sigh. eXam coming. sei lor~
dun care.! must score A

gone (=

there's only once
never twiCe
gone mean gone~

no point holding
letting it go
and moving on

girl stay strong
don't look back
never tears

empty heart ♥
without love
just the pain
it had gone

heart is feel
when only u in my eyes
smile at u (=
appreciate what i left

not the love
is the heart

someone special
more than friend
less than nothing

but
the last promise ♥

after cry

after cry.. everythings change~
nothing left. heart taken back ♥
even is broken but times heal (=

i know how hard i tried to hold it. is already too late
end is end~
just let everything start over again..
now i feel much diff xD

i start to feel my heartbeat..
it race like F1 car when i miss him
yes~ i love him
but
all had start from zero after i cry million of times (=

pass memory had washed
no more thinking back
he fall from the starting point again..
wil he beyond my wall one more time.?
or
he wil just stay outside and just fren~

i had pour all my love to him out of my heart
is empty again..
never love never hope
bye memory~
i wil restore a new memory.. friend (=

i appreaciate i had love u - my lover before
but pain have to go.. dun wanna it come back
and i rmb u said u promise that wont hurt me again
i wish is true ♥

i wont miss the pass anymore
cause i dun wan fall a tears

somehow. nothing left
tired holding.. is time to let go~
let it flow..

telling u something

write on the sand. it wil washed away by sea water
but i wrote it on my heart ♥
it wil be forever there~

y telling u that i love u is so hard.?
y i have to pretend to hate u.?
cause
i scare once u know
u wil go away

u know.? i rather blind myself up
to love ♥ u forever

wil u love me is not a question mark anymore
but
but please dont tell me that u leave
cause i don wanna stop loving u


5201314 of love is not enough time to fold
but 520 ♥ of heart is pure
to u
i love u

haix. y lar love.?

sigh.~ sometimes think back..
also not nothing dy
if he treat me nothing. if i m nothing to him
he wont come A level for me
wont be by my side
and won't waste money on me T__T'
alot alot more

dunnO lar..
i just stil wanna believe he do love me .___.
lie or turth. is does not matter
cause i chose to love and not chose to accpet the truth

y love ♥ thing so complicated..
he might lies.. i can close 2 eyes.~
see hows thing go lor
sigh may be he is really not my forever

actualy just simple lar.
i wanna forget every pass thing just start a new love sincerly with him
he last time lie or dun lie
love me or not~ not important ler
if god giv a chance to start again.. i wil stil love him
how nice if his heart just got me
not his ex also -____-

sigh T__T'
y wan u to love me only so hard.?
i just wanna be with u and love u~

suan le bah~
if i just now dun so rude then he wont hurt ler
haix...

let go bah.. he not my forever ♥
even though i love him. he wont..
silent love in heart. guess is enough

lost

sorry ♥

i dun mean it

not important

everything.. is not important anymore. i dont wanna care anymore
the most i need to care is my mom. beloved mother~
sorry ♥

i wil study hard
i know i dunno how to love u
but just wanna u know

i really love u. mom

off my mind

yay.! case close.. cause i had totally let go. altot haven recover but most important i had know the truth.~
is proven. no need explaination.. finally i know all today
answer simple. i m just totally nothing to him before. never ever once~ sumtimes i wonder he got reali love me before anot. but now. i dun wanna know cause is not important.
lies bring excuse. excuse cover lies (=

i realy wanna thank his ex. if she dun tell me all. i stil blur ing. although is deep cut thru my heart but lucky had end n__n'
what she say r proven.! i really feel wanna post it on wat she tells me. but i feel i dun need be so bad lar.. LOLx.
he.. at the beginning dun even love me at all.. y guys always thinks girls r stupid.? he dunno his ex wil tell me everything dy meh.? i feel i reali stupid lor. trust him.?! no way~
may be as a friend is ok lar. love.? ♥ dint think about that. be his fren is fine. lover is danger xP

first come a malay girl say wanna walk to the end with her
2nd is a girl he say he stil got feeling on her and stil love her
3rd.. me lor -____- s in nothing

i always prove myself is wrong. he is loyal.. think back reali feel wanna vomit blood~
i dun have spy dy meh.? i dun wan spy only mah cause a word trust. though wanna close one eyes. he love me then others i dont mind nor.~ wan check the truth easy only mah.. i realy dunno why i wil love him.. so wrong
love a person that just playing me.. real stupid right.?

when he wanna chase back his ex then say he hate his current gf.. infront of his gf then say he love her. surrender wei~
but truth oso geh. is i 一厢情愿 lor.. one way love

actuali he also not that bad is he change but sigh.~ but i feel he real 无药可救 dy
i hate excuse and lies. is not explaination.! i dun wan to know~ no wonder people say duno beta than know.
i feel so played~ a sentance can come out from his msg and everyone know. just i dunno.. the sentance is some sort of "couple with ying.? no way.. know wont together with her dy lar. end up pun break" wahsai.. then i wat.? toy.?!
yea lar i know lar.. i just nothing to him from the beginning. he just love her from the beginning til now. me wat.? LOLx
he dint ask me for couple before.. i somtimes reali wonder.. are we realy a couple before.?
haha reali funny.~

lucky i had wake up.! i think i treat people too good dy xD LOL. time to care people less and care ownself more ♥
dun care wat people think. enjoy to the max.! but then i earn somthing. see through your real u.. time to brush up my studies. dam suck.! tutorial.. oh gosh.~ alot sia - faint.! =___='

wrong means wrong.! excuse just lie ing yourself not other. fire always cannot cover the paper~ enough from him.
i realy dun mind single forever.. not cause him. is cause i dun nid it (=

god.! i had been cheated alot times. enough lar~ LOLx if u continue give me all those pig guy. i kung fu u ar xD

back penang suck

i m telling u that i maggie me here.! wtf~ -________-
lifeless
u know penang is a food heaven.?
nice food every where but i eat what.? maggie mee.!! WTH

pain gone. whats next.?

now i m souless - totally empty
i duno what stil left 'nothing'.~

he love me or not is no longer a question mark
is already not important to me anymore ♥

love please leave me alone

turn baCk

sometimes i realy dnt understand. love ♥ suck or i suck
why he just counlden let go the pass - her to love me~ or from beginning til now. i m just nothing to him.?
stil.. there is alot of question mark..
sometimes people say is better dun know the answer
may be is true. sigh .. y is nicholas.? y is him

some people ask y him. cause - i put my hand infront of my heart ♥ is lost.. is him mean him. cause i love
god~ i wan hurt pain killer.!

and love ♥ exit in my life
i just wan to be myself back - happi girl. y love exist take away myself.?

question markZ

i m totally heart broken.. is totally.!
sigh~ til now is so dam pain ♥ i had lost of emotion like death person. only know how to tears. i duno why i m stil crying..

today 6th june wakie up already afternoon about 12pm cause i sleep very early about 6am morning.!! Lolx. telling that if i m not totally cry ♥ until tired then i wont be sleeping. my eyes now is like gold fish~ might worst than that

well.. hapi burfday 22th wai kin gor (=
his burfday. badly that yesterday 1am sumthing after call him and wish him then start to say my sad story. so kelian him~ birthday also wanna hear i cry on phone. hear my sad story all those but reali thankZ that he alteast listen to me. if i cant find some one to tell. i reali wil explode~ ♥ and he also comfort me plus lame joke.. C= although is stil pain but atleast i can shortly forget. just a moment but.. is enough~

talk talk... talk everything until 6am sumthing. of cause is he calls me if not i bankrupt lu xD for talking on phone for 5 hours plus.! sigh.. sumtime wat i listen from other might be correct also. actually i got alot things to tell nicholas but i just dun dare to open my mouth or type it out. may be the process is not important~ the important is the result..

this morning 8am sumthing then wake by my pig parents.. oh faint.~ they just love last min. tell me that they wanna back penang. my hometown cause my daddy 'another dad' die -__- sigh. i duno i should hapi or sad. hapi that i get to bac penang. i reali miss my hometown like craZy and my cousin sis. while sad cause someone die sigh.~

i feel i reali lifeless now. i guess since yesterday my emotion is terrible until my dad bring me sit in sushi kiing. i also dint order anything to eat. i m real hungry but i just hav no appetite. i know i m going to hav bad gastric soon but wat to do.? i just... dun feel putting things in my mouth ._.
and also~ i hurt my leg just now. it reali bleed.. but i feel nothing at all.! no pain.. nothing~ Lolx sei lor. then i go wash my leg so that water make me feel pain. but stil~ no feeling.! reali no. it bleed alot but i just let it be until it stop itself. i know. i realise.. heartache is much more pain than real physical injured. i real~ wan die..

wake infront of mirror.. oh gosh.! ♥ is like a dam sick people. pile while. no emotion. no energry.. sigh. izit world is going to end.? or what...

dear. actuali i got alot things to tell u. to ask u but the answer i always get is the same. u just told me to remember that u love ♥ me. u know~ dunu since when i cant feel your heart and your love to me anymore. no because u don't prove. is a feeling. last time u dint do anything but i can feel but now.. is nothing.?

u said 'a gurl had found his dream one but not mean the guy had found his dream one' izit mean that i m not his dream one.? telling me indirectly or giving me hint. i wana ask but answer wil be the same also.. i know~ i know some people give me comment. what shit say he just playing me. but i stil dun trust them.. well someone say he take me as spare means 候补.. like he is finding another beta girl but keeping me as backup so atleast he got someone to love or some sort ♥ of that. sigh.~ i think that before. he do reali love me may be.. but i just not his forever.?

last time i promise myself just wil love a person once. i wil not love a person twice cause first time leave. the possibility for him to leave 2nd time and to hurt 2nd time is there~ i need protect myself. sometime i stop myself from thinking too alot and rubbish but to protect myself.. i have to think. the plan. if not it wil last forever lyk this. i know he wont leave me. as wat other said that he take me as backup.~ actuali i dont mine. ♥ i really love him but just pain is myself.. i wish he could tell me that if i m really not the one he wanted to love then i wil get the answer.

now. he love me or not is not important anymore. not i don trust but i betraying my heart. my feeling.. see can see wrong. tel can tell lie but feeling wil never wrong~ rite.? i feel there is not such thing as perfect love. love road like wave.. got sad. got happi got sweet and bitter~ y sweet that time he treat me like gold but bitter that time. he quit.?

i m not 3 years old kid and i m not first day knowing him. but i guess he don know me well. actuali i reali understand but he dint try to understand wat i mean.. i duno y everything end up sure his is the one correct and i m the one say sorry.? like last time he call his ex and tell her that he miss her voice.. i reali hurt~ i was asking myself. got any girl can accept a bf telling another girl that he miss her voice.? i also close one eyes but end up he said miss the pass wil do. is normal.. and said i miss my ex too. but miss in heart or flash back i understand but to tell the person 'i miss....' i different story. ♥ end up he emo and sad. then i m the one say sorry.. then is he rite or wrong.? actuali i dint might. i closing one eyes. i just wan take it as my fault so.. said sorry.~ i dun wan argue or wat... is pain but i stil can take it

then next case is his friend shout that i m his 'pet sister'. mean he tell him that i m his pet sis infront of his fren.. then he said is because his fren feel my fb picture dun look like me. so he joke that is pet sis. ya~ i know he love talk nonsen and lame joke. i dun mind but this can joke de.? is... hurt. end up he said he just being himself and joke crap around. so conclusion my fault again saying sorry cause i mind wat his fren said ._. but telling i m his gf so hard meh.? he say is obvious. blind oso know that we r couple but he also no nid say that hurt stuff.. but nvm lar. i close one eyes again. i say sorry.

i feel... i girl normal reaction right. but i guess i m reali doing wrong and stupid thing infront of his fren such as merajuk all that so i giving him stress. this i can understand.. just because i duno how to b a girlfriend..

i feel wanna ask him alot alot of things wan wanna tell him how i feel.. i want to sit with him and talk with him.. ya i know if we do that. it might lead to 'end'.. so we should to not tell each other feeling.? he is a smart guy and i m not stupid also. we cant lie each other cause we r not love blind.. but i rather blind myself then being smart cause i dun want to know u r hurting me or u not real love me.~ ♥

something i hold back. i dint want to ask and dint wan to know. may be the answer is not more important than our relationship. example if he lie. i rather trust his lie than telling him that he is lie ing and relation get worst. there is just 2 ways. either sit down tell everything out. but prepare that the relationship wil get worst. we 2 wil explode and wil 'end'.. or 2nd choice is eventhough i feel is hurt or is not real. i stil wanna try to giv a chance to continue. dun care watever backup or nonsen. just wish i can touch his heart one day. i can just accept anything to be with him. or til one day he say 'i dont love u' then i wil walk away but i wil stil love u.. ♥

is just like coffe. i know what u mean. when the first time i drink the coffee that u give. with with sugar and milk. but til one day he realise let me drink add sugar milk dy coffee is not pure enough so.. u giv me drink an original bitter coffe without telling me. u want me taste out and wanna see my reaction but he does not know that before i drink that bitter coffee. i really know that is a bitter one. i see through the coffe colour.. but stil.. i drink.~ then i give him the reation is not hapi. telling him is bitter. i cant feel that coffe last time anymore. is sumthing missing.. then he tol me the truth that he giv me drink original coffee. not sugar not milk. so i dun lik.? no.. he dun know that actuali is not because the sugar and the milk adding problem.. when i see the colour. i feel diff. i ask my fren. why the coffee change.? my fren tol me - is not the coffee change. he dint change. he just let u see the original and pure him. u just starting to know him.

but he dont know that the feeling is.. i cant feel a special feeling. the love.. last time he give me drink the coffe with sugar and milk. may be he put too many so it always sweet. i cant feel the bitter. but he dun know one thing that i can smell.. he coffee smell. the taste even is sweet might cover the original bitter but he dunnu that i actuali loving to drink the one that he made. not because is sweet.. 2nd time he let me drink original coffe that time. i feel sumthing lost.. i cant feel that is he made the coffee.. i dun mind is bitter. i sad not because is bitter. i sad cause after he remove the sweet~ i know realise that that coffee is not he made. 不是他泡的咖啡~ i wan tell him that even u add sugar and milk in the 2nd cup. i also wil feel missing the.. love 真诚 ♥ in it. is not the sweet problem. i cause say that he dint made the coffe cause i dint see with my eyes. he might be made himself but with 3 in one pack. not real from coffee bean. diff way of love.. he tell me is he made. he got the love but he might stil dun understand. i dun mind drink bitter coffee. if u made d. how bitter wil stil sweet.

i duno i should trust my feeling or him. may be drink coffee can drink wrong but trust him even though is wrong. i dun wan be right.. loving him is no wrong no rite. i just wana he know wat i mean. 'i dun wan war for peace. i wanna peace so no war.' dear i reali love u~ even u tell me u dun love me. i might cry like death person. hurt me like crazy but i dun wan drag to hell.. i wil be myself~ i hope one day the result is u hold my hand back walk with u foever down the road.. i love u who u r. i know the coffee original is bitter but nid time to 适应 rite.? if letting me choose. i rather chose the bitter coffee that u made then drinking a sweet coffe without knowing u made or others.? may be is u made but it mis with sweet.. confuse with real u

sigh.~ i feel wanna hug u wan telling u dun leave but to make things beta. u say wanna rest~ en. but i oso wan u to rmb. my love to u is always truth and pure ♥

love til never fade away

after cryZ and everything
i stil wanna tell you that 'i love ♥ u'
loving u silently~

and i wil make u love me more
of being myself (=

i really miss you dear
summore your hp die T_T'

and thankZ dear that u stil by my side
seriously loving ♥ u deeply

u r special that y i love
i love who u r~

and i miss your smile (=
cause your smile can melt my heart ♥
not act or fake smile.
is the one real from your deep heart

hug~ u promise me that u wil never leave
then i wil promise u that i wil ♥ love u forever (=

bao bei..
i wish to be with you happily forever
and hold your ♥ heart back~

everything is on my own now

his msg :
you know dear.. i cant hav u cause when i do.. you wun fell happy. its like sad for watever i do for being myself.. y not just dun hav you but love you. just not having someone. may be is not the right time.. but love, never hav a time to love cause its always loving someone.

but u dont know that without u is without soul and heart ♥
i dun know how to express myself anymore.. i just wanna to love u


he said :
♥ what there is there... its just there. y not just leave it.? some things u can have. somethings u can touch but somethings, when u touch.. it fade.. somethings when u have.. it dissappear. y not just admire and look at it

but dear. u dont know that - sigh.. i just duno how to explain


he said :
1 person's fall is another men's rise... 1 mistake is not another men's gain, is your own gain, cuz mistake are 2 be learnt from... "if the door does not open. dun budge thru it. dun force. y not just ring the door bell.? if its open then smile.. if it does not. then smile either.. just... differently"


i surrender..but 'xien ying.. u cant cry.! stay strong~'

well he just change his facebook relationship status
another knife straight throw my heart ♥ again
3 month 16 days

now i understand.. but is late.
actuali from the beginning til now. he also not counted as my bf
he dint reali ask me before~
even he lies me. i wil stil trust him that he wont lie me
or eventhough if he is playing me. is worth cause

i reali love ♥ him
stupid rite.?

i wish i can stop crying





and y he stil can so hapi.?

suck feeling

nightmare.. nit3mare again.!

y.? i got same feeling again

let me list out~

emo - some sort of no mood
no appetite to eat
no energy
tears T-T'
heartbreak

i drop in a dark hold again~ where should i walk
which direction i should go.? i wanna cry

stand stil~ kieZ chill.. girl stay strong
dun tears.! T_T' dun~
y..

is the exactly the same feeling after my prevoius ex leave me
the 'negative graph' time..
i.. so hard to get over a 'him'
now come a he T-T'
sigh.. i really heartlesZ ler..
if i say not pain then is reali fake

last time atleast got someone to bring me up
now.. no.! is alone T-T'
xien ying. u have to stay strong~ must
dun cry..

y i keep fail in love.? ♥
is there any 'love dummer' books.? ahr...
even there is.. but is not like movie can take 2
once.. only once.! no turning back

i though once is enough~
here comes the twiCe. faint
wil it be 3rd~ oh.......... no
i really ___ can i die.?

last time take me about half year to recover
but now this case.. i ♥ love him more than previous
so means ..
more than one year.? what the -___-

i m really dehydrated
tear. cryZ .. hey.! normal reaction kay.? =.='
but 'stay strong girlz' sob

y.. y i so stupid
only know how to make endless trouble
make ppl stress.. do dumb thing
so useless~
love a person oso 没能力

altot things had settle~ beta ending than previous
but stil
having the same result..

may be after we walked all the way long
he just realise that he can't wear the shoe~ i not suit him.?
i feel 辛苦

how to love ♥ him.? how.?
he hide his feeling cause scare hurt me
but i duno i was wrong

he last time not himself. then change to himself
i need try to 适应 2 diff thing. need time right.?
now.? change to..... i dunno
i really tired~ worth loving ♥ him.?

actually y so complicated.? i just wanna to love him
him.! watever him~
but.. why so hard.? be with a lover like so imposible to me

sigh.. i wanna be soulless and heartlesZ dy ♥
no smile. be evil devil
stay strong.!
cant let anyone see that i m weak
stay alone~
so no one wil hurt me again.! no one..

be like 奸人坚 so nice
or wat.? erm... 麦提爽 Lolx -__-
i cant lose.! i cant let people see the real me~
stay strong..

coffee is bitter then is bitter
eventhough u put how many sugar or milk
the coffee bean is stil bitter
but why it love ♥ by people.?

after pain is love again

a couple must be lover but lover not must be a couple
letting it flow~

love river

it just really like a circle
which had made a full turn
now had reach the original point again
in love ♥ it will never end
the love still there just the way
so meaningful

i started to learn to love
to be more understandable~

thankZ dear
he give me an answer that i wanted to know long time
the reason he - ming sung leaves me

now be myself. enjoy everything to the max
and i promise that i will find my love ♥ back one day
the day that u will hold my hand again~

things wil change
but my love ♥ to u wil never change
4ever heart

dear nicholas.. i love u ♥

love in rain

(｡･ω･｡) ♥ (｡･ω･｡)

us


love in rain
after the tears.. bright again

the rain

when i saw the word 'end' and it link to 'rest' from your msg
my tears falls like waterfall. cry likes world going to end
no.! dun go.. i wanna be with u

i realise how deep i love u and i cant live without u
feel pain in ♥ love cause duno the truth
but
everything might be lost after knowing
stil... ♥ loving

be yourself dear and i wil jump to your world~
i wanna know u - the real you
plus being myself also and to love u at the same time



i want to say
realy sorry.. for saying 'hate u'. i swear and i swear again that i dont mean it
hug~ i ♥ vy u till forever
and i realy miss u. 2 week T_T' ( A Level holidays )



i realy do love u deep
♥ nicholas ng eng hoe


after rain~
things stil wil change.. it wont like before but hope it wil not worst
want wil be better instate.! ♥

next is jodi leaving.! no. my best roomate ever xD
she also my pharmacy Lolx
11th june is her last day in hostel
wil and must back to say bubbye T_T'
and huan jin :P